Become a Fan

Dear Facebook "Fans",

Stop this. Stop this at once.

In case you're not of this new generation and don't know what I'm talking about, there's this new phenomenon on Facebook whereby, if you like something, you can "become a fan" of said thing. It can be anything and everything. And when you become a "fan," Facebook then announces it to everyone on your friend list. So if you've got a couple dozen or couple hundred friends, you're getting pummeled with fandom constantly.

The problem is that there is NOTHING clever about what you people are doing. It's horrendous. If you did something funny, or clever, or interesting with it, then I might buy in. But thus far, this garbage falls into two categories:

Category 1: Obviously-enjoyable activities that everyone likes. Jen is a fan of vacation. Become a fan. Oh, NO SHIT??? ME TOO. OMG we should TOTALLY hang out lolz!11 John is a fan of drinking. Become a fan. John that's so CRAZY! I mean, you're a wild guy, and that totally comes across through your iPersona! You're a guy I'd like to party with! Ultimately people are now battling it out to see who can come up with more mundane shit to be a fan of. Tania is a friend of laughing. Woah. I HATE laughing, so that's really interesting. Up next, folks will be fans of living and breathing. I'm pretty sure I saw someone was a fan of weekends. No shit?

Category 2: Obscure pop culture references, preferably from our childhoods. If you become a fan of a crappy TV show like C.H.I.P.S. or Alf or Small Wonder, whammo, you're insta-cool in the land o' Facebook. Oh man, I remember that show!!

I've just about given up on this feature (and certain segments of the population). Sadly it probably had a worthwhile use at some point early on, when folks could become a fan of, say, a cool band, and I could see that someone whose tastes align with mine became a fan of this band, and I could check it out, and be like "oh cool, I like these guys," and download it and pop it into my iPod and have a nicer commute that morning. You can bet though, without fail, that the girl with the pink-studded iPhone sitting next to me on the subway at that very moment will be becoming a fan of not-getting-punched-in-the-face, and all her friends with studded iPhones will be insta-responding OMG ME TOO!

Well, you know what I'm a fan of? Clever, interesting, and original. And you people suck at all three.